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My Attempts At Rebranding Like Tucker Max

I had a flashback the other day, and it wasn't due to acid. I was having a trip down memory lane after I tried to pinpoint the origin of my writing career. Soon memories of writing in my Xanga account as an angsty Asian-American kid flooded through my head. Back then I wrote to partly vent my frustrations but also to conjure up an image of being more than I was, out of insecurity and attempting to fit in. During those times I was in a period of rebellion from conformity and trying to find out who I was in this world. And I made a lot of mistakes in the process of finding out who I truly was, and learning how to become my true and best self.

The first blog I started was on the Xanga platform in the early days of the internet where dial up was king and DSL was the absolute shit (a good thing FYI). Back then the true masters of Xanga were the HTML coders who put all of the sparkly shits on their blog themes alongside moving news banners and other Millennial things to spruce up their website. It was the first Tumblr or Myspace-platform that was rife with teeny bopping Millennials, that wrapped their websites with sparkly retro emojis and interesting throwback designs that reminisced of Christmas trees getting wrapped up wth a plethora of bulbs.

Back then I would write a mix of deprecating in-real-life (IRL) happenings, angsty reflections, and probably some repressed material. There was no real cohesive topic but the biggest thing was that I was seeking some sort of validation. To give some perspective, when I was a kid all the way up till I was 14, I was an obedient kid who always tried to please his parents by doing everything they said. Part of this was also due to fear where I grew up to listen to everything they said or I would be punished.

To give some sort of context, both of my parents were autists in the sense that they had no grid for American customs, and were unable to process other viewpoints. The biggest reason was the way they processed words and information. Even though they understood English, they translated those words to convey them in Korean. I was a caged bird where I had all of these innovative ideas and thoughts of grandeur, which I felt were stifled by them because they were always shut down.

At 14, I decided to rebel in wanting to destroy all the mental walls confining me. This came with IRL outbursts and tantrums, but more-so, came with immersing myself in the depraved world of the internet; the age where no-filtered content was starting to become the norm. Because I wanted to crush the mental confines of my upbringing, I wanted to drastically change myself by being exposed to content such as Tucker Max, Maddox, and my Xanga peeps Methodick & Luvitorsuckit. Further, I learned about the philosophy of stoicism and I wanted to incorporate that in my life drastically. At a time of the internet boom, I was exposed to websites such as 2girls1cup, 3chan*, fear olympics, meatspin, ebaumsworld, and some of those crazy motherless videos (DON'T GO TO THOSE WEBSITES). I had such a crazy drive and need to be validated, more importantly, to rise up to my standards. I didn't want to be the obedient number-crunching kid my parents wanted me to be. I thought that in order to smash the mental walls of my upbringing, I had to condition myself to watch 2girls1cup 20 times in a row without cringing (stoicism at its best 😏).

What ended up happening was I became really, really funny but also really weird. I developed an uncanny ability to read people like a book, and I ended up learning different viewpoints by being exposed to all of these different mediums. Not only that, I became an asshole with a drinking problem, and I still had mental issues that I had to deal with. I became a further fragmented product: someone unhappy with who they were becoming and also plagued with guilt in some sort of ironic dualistic way.

Fast forward to now; I am older and wiser and a little bit less jaded with a more even-keel outlook on life. I realized how destructive my behavior was in the past, but didn't quite know how to rebrand myself to educate people that knew me in the past. A lot of some of my family members even ignored me due to how crazy and obnoxious I was. In some sort of ironic round-earth type of way, I went back to Tucker Max to seek advice: REFRAME. Tucker Max successfully rebranded his image to be a family man who makes an honest living running a publishing startup. No longer is he the go-to guy for fratire comedy posts. But now people see him as the reformed family guy who runs a successful startup turned business generating multi-millions of dollars in revenue. In a keynote he once did, his reason for success is reframing. Instead of going on a PR campaign when media people lit up their torch sticks during a witch hunt, Tucker reframed the situation and owned his past. People would accuse him of being an asshole, and he would retort with "yeah I was the BIGGEST fucking asshole, but now I have a beautiful wife and 2 loving kids, and a BIG motherfucking company that I run to support them." Even @lordofthebags would agree with me 😏.

Full disclosure, I'm still not completely reformed yet. This motherfucker @wehlung wants me to become a degen still, but I. WILL. PREVAIL. Not satire at all.

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